I am 21 years old, and it seems that more of my conversations with friends are based around boyfriends and fiances and marriage (and even children), then things that most 21 year olds are concerned with. And I am single, so that changes things. There isn't a guy that I've met that I think is going to fill that place that most girls already have filled in their minds. It's just me. And I'd be lying if I claimed it's always an 'easy' journey. The church body does this thing where when you hit your twenties singleness is more of a negative then it is a positive, it is seen as more of a fault then it is a blessing. (What a lie and deceit that is.) However, because of these thoughts I was (and am) often fed, it is a constant thing I am wrestling with, trying to find my voice admist, and trying to at least redefine in my own life. I am trying to bring truth to a topic that I feel have a lot of lies wrapped around it.
Whether it's said or unsaid, since I found Jesus I have been fed lies, mis-truths, half-truths from the body of Christ. Everything points toward a life being ultimately about getting married and having kids. Girls wrap it in the belief that "God is preparing me to be a wife." I can't count the number of times girls have said that to me.
Call me crazy but every time I hear that line or think about it I cringe.
I think it misses the point.
I don't want to prepare to be a wife, I want to prepare, yearn for, seek, and press on to being a better follower of Jesus Christ, that will in turn equip me all the more to serve my husband, if that is what God has for me. I don't want to make my life more about who I'm with then who I belong to. I don't want to stand before Jesus at the end of my life and realize my life's pursuits were selfish, I wanted a husband and I wanted kids and I wanted the American Dream and I wanted this happy little Christian family. I want to stand before Jesus at the end of my life and realize my pursuits were for Jesus, far above anything He could bless me with. I sought Him. Not myself and my own desires.
Sometimes maybe we truly get caught up thinking we are chasing after Jesus, but we're really just chasing
after a spouse. Sometimes we make our lives more about the unknown that
we cannot plan for then make our lives about what is right before us, what we know is important, and what we know holds the utmost value.
You see, I feel that often we get confused about which alter we are walking towards; the alter that comes with a $10,000 wedding, a legal name change, a white dress, and a husband or the alter that comes with freedom lacking a price, the alter that comes with the guarantee of an inheritance in Heaven, the alter that comes with a cover of grace and forgiveness, and the alter that leads to the feet of a King, Jesus. We may not realize it, I don't realize it some days, but sometimes we quite possibly mistake one for the other.
A husband will not bring me (nor you) the fulfillment, comfort, perfect love, and grace that Jesus does. Ever. And if my life ever becomes more about waiting around or holding back on plans or dreams or passions that God has instilled in me because I am waiting or planning for Mr. Perfect to come along, then I am picking the wrong alter.
There may be a season in a woman's life that consists of God preparing her to be a wife. However, I think to fix our eyes on that is accepting a tiny piece of God's plan when you could have the whole daing thing. God is preparing you constantly to serve Him better, to love Him better, and to love His people better. I read the Word and I find no trace or mention that His plan for your life is merely to get married and have children. He has more. So much more. Don't miss out on all He has because all your eyes are fixed on is something that is either not there, or won't fulfill you in the long run.
If we try and find fulfillment at the wrong alter, we stop short.
True fulfillment is found in Jesus Christ, and in Him alone.
I am convinced of it.
Wednesday, April 17, 2013
Saturday, February 2, 2013
THIS ONE SEASON (TRUST + APPRECIATING SINGLENESS)
In the midst of my friends engagement today, my best friend getting married, and relationships and marriage surrounding me seemingly everywhere, I have had profound peace and joy and excitement about this season in my life. Like, a peace and excitement that only comes from the Lord, because Lord knows at times I am so antsy for Him to bring me the man of God He has for me.
This season I used to see as being interim.
As being the in-between period between a season of being in a leadership position that rocked my world, blessed me beyond words, and changed my life completely and a season to come of God knows what. I saw this season as purposeless before I entered into it. I was confused as to why God would want me to have purely school for a semester, interning all the time, design jobs like crazy, and homework up the ying-yang. But God is good. And sovereign. And His purpose is there even when I don't see it. There is purpose in this season. There is purpose in the homework, in the long hours, in the eye pain from staring at a computer screen for so long... it all has a purpose.
No matter if it seems like most people are able to see a bigger picture of getting married (and who they are getting married to) and having children- there is purpose in me not seeing that right now.
There is a reason why I am single. There is a reason why I don't have my whole life planned out (actually I have none of it planned out, not even next semester). There is a reason that my summer plans are up in the air. There is a reason that I know no reasons for things that happened and things still to come. Whether its to trust God, whether its to feel freedom that you can't feel when plans consume your life, whatever the reason is, I trust that God has one.
I used to focus so much on all the lives around me that are experiencing things I don't have and instead, I have learned to focus my attention on my own life. All the blessings. All the goodness. All the reasons I am where I am and not where other people are. I realized I can't base this 'timeline' of my life off of other peoples timelines. That's unrealistic and strange, quite frankly.
I can't base my happiness on what other people have that I am lacking.
It sounds obvious, but I sometimes I think maybe its not so obvious.
In the church marriage is thrown around like it's no big deal. Like.... what? I guess I don't understand when I think about it. But somewhere in the midst of it I have begun to believe that getting engaged and married not long after you exit teenage-hood is normal. If I am 30 and single, life will go on and life will still be so good and I will remain so, so thankful. I can't get caught up in what's all around me and forget that I am where I need to be right now.
Singleness has a lot of good things to it. A LOT. I forget it sometimes. I want what other people have. But also, if I had what other people had, in many senses, I think I would want to be where I am at right now. I might be jealous of the life I have right now. Truly. I am seeing all the blessings and throwing away all the junk that shouldn't hold as much power as it sometimes does. And it feels good.
I know that I am right in the palm of God's hands and I am experiencing God in beautiful ways every single day, why would I want someone else's life when my life is so full and so joy-filled?
In this season I never expected to learn and see all I have so far. I have learned what its like to trust in God and trust that freedom is real and possible. I have learned what wholeness and mending feels like, and that it takes time and doesn't mean I lack cracks and imperfections altogether. I have realized that pushing aside my passions and giftings does nothing for me, there is a reason God hands us talents and the reason is to use them. This is maybe just a season of using them and building my confidence as an artist and trusting there is purpose in that. I have learned that I am good enough for Jesus, that lesson seems to be a reoccurring theme and reminded in my life. I have learned more about singleness from being in a crappy relationship then I ever learned from actually being single, and that's a disguised blessing in so many ways. I have learned and grown and been creatively stimulated daily in this season that I once thought was an awkward in-between. What I once thought would lack purpose, is filled with purpose at every angle and to every end. There is power in me being here, while it seems the rest of the world around me is somewhere else. I need to be here. And here feels pretty good.
No matter what everyone else thinks about it or no matter where everyone else is, God's given me some good reminders that there is purpose always.
There is a purpose.
There is a purpose.
There is a purpose.
This season I used to see as being interim.
As being the in-between period between a season of being in a leadership position that rocked my world, blessed me beyond words, and changed my life completely and a season to come of God knows what. I saw this season as purposeless before I entered into it. I was confused as to why God would want me to have purely school for a semester, interning all the time, design jobs like crazy, and homework up the ying-yang. But God is good. And sovereign. And His purpose is there even when I don't see it. There is purpose in this season. There is purpose in the homework, in the long hours, in the eye pain from staring at a computer screen for so long... it all has a purpose.
No matter if it seems like most people are able to see a bigger picture of getting married (and who they are getting married to) and having children- there is purpose in me not seeing that right now.
There is a reason why I am single. There is a reason why I don't have my whole life planned out (actually I have none of it planned out, not even next semester). There is a reason that my summer plans are up in the air. There is a reason that I know no reasons for things that happened and things still to come. Whether its to trust God, whether its to feel freedom that you can't feel when plans consume your life, whatever the reason is, I trust that God has one.
I used to focus so much on all the lives around me that are experiencing things I don't have and instead, I have learned to focus my attention on my own life. All the blessings. All the goodness. All the reasons I am where I am and not where other people are. I realized I can't base this 'timeline' of my life off of other peoples timelines. That's unrealistic and strange, quite frankly.
I can't base my happiness on what other people have that I am lacking.
It sounds obvious, but I sometimes I think maybe its not so obvious.
In the church marriage is thrown around like it's no big deal. Like.... what? I guess I don't understand when I think about it. But somewhere in the midst of it I have begun to believe that getting engaged and married not long after you exit teenage-hood is normal. If I am 30 and single, life will go on and life will still be so good and I will remain so, so thankful. I can't get caught up in what's all around me and forget that I am where I need to be right now.
Singleness has a lot of good things to it. A LOT. I forget it sometimes. I want what other people have. But also, if I had what other people had, in many senses, I think I would want to be where I am at right now. I might be jealous of the life I have right now. Truly. I am seeing all the blessings and throwing away all the junk that shouldn't hold as much power as it sometimes does. And it feels good.
I know that I am right in the palm of God's hands and I am experiencing God in beautiful ways every single day, why would I want someone else's life when my life is so full and so joy-filled?
In this season I never expected to learn and see all I have so far. I have learned what its like to trust in God and trust that freedom is real and possible. I have learned what wholeness and mending feels like, and that it takes time and doesn't mean I lack cracks and imperfections altogether. I have realized that pushing aside my passions and giftings does nothing for me, there is a reason God hands us talents and the reason is to use them. This is maybe just a season of using them and building my confidence as an artist and trusting there is purpose in that. I have learned that I am good enough for Jesus, that lesson seems to be a reoccurring theme and reminded in my life. I have learned more about singleness from being in a crappy relationship then I ever learned from actually being single, and that's a disguised blessing in so many ways. I have learned and grown and been creatively stimulated daily in this season that I once thought was an awkward in-between. What I once thought would lack purpose, is filled with purpose at every angle and to every end. There is power in me being here, while it seems the rest of the world around me is somewhere else. I need to be here. And here feels pretty good.
No matter what everyone else thinks about it or no matter where everyone else is, God's given me some good reminders that there is purpose always.
There is a purpose.
There is a purpose.
There is a purpose.
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