Today I bought a gym membership.
Or, tonight rather.
More specifically, fifteen minutes ago.
I may have gone off the deep end, or I may have finally picked up my mat and started walking.
Often I see glimpses of how I stare freedom or peace or joy right in the eyes and yet still refuse to get up and walk in it. I get so close and then I shrug it off and leave it to figure out on another day.
Some days when a choice is given to me of choosing what's expected and comfortable and easy, and choosing something that shows faith and trust and freedom, I usually just choose what's expected of me. Sometimes I don't even realize it.
I choose the easy road often because I've been on the hard one before. The thing is though, I know that the hard one produces much more then the easy road ever will. But I forget that when I'm given the option.
But today I refused to bow down to easy living and comfortable decisions.
More then I wish for most things, I wish to look at myself straight in the eyes and know that I am happy with who I am, the decisions I have made, and the way I look. Today was one step in that direction, even in the smallest of ways.
Ironically, after I spent the longest day in classes, I came home and watched the latest episode of the Biggest Loser. As cliche as it sounds, I looked at the lives of people who refused to keep pushing things off another day. Who refused in life in fear. Who finally grabbed ahold of what they wanted and were dead on determined to not let go, for once in their lives. I decided, even if its in the most little of ways, I want to the same.
So whether its getting fit, giving up the things that hold you back (whether thats social networking, coffee, soda, cute clothes, etc), or doing something you want but are afraid of- I encourage you to just do it. You will never look back on times you stepped out in faith and regret them.
Truly, in the most non-cliche and encouraging way, you only have one life. Make Jesus proud. And daingett, make yourself proud.
Today I am thankful for inspiring artists, classes that end extra early, seeing my design work branding a new company, a healthy dinner, new mismatched towels because I loved two colors and didn't want to have to choose one, finding a wall art piece online that I've been looking for forever, and sitting in my apartment missing my two roommates with the realization that life is as good as its ever been. I am blessed.
Tuesday, February 26, 2013
Sunday, February 17, 2013
THE GOAL + NOT THE EXPECTATION
Life Goal: To love Jesus and to love others in a way that draws them to know Jesus too.
Life Expectation: Life is going to be fun (and at most times, easy). I will get a good education, have some good life experiences before I graduate college. I will get a good paying job and make enough money to provide for myself. I will eventually get married and have a family. I will be involved in a church and constantly involved in ministry, however that looks. I will travel. I will make my days memorable and enjoyable. I will one day look back on my life when I'm old and not regret a thing. (The expectation list all in all, honestly goes on forever probably).
However, I am realizing as I think about the last line of what I expect out of life, it doesn't seem possible. It does not seem possible to look back on my life with no regrets if I am living focused on these expectations that I am not guaranteed, these expectations that hold not nearly as much significance as the goal.
How come we are so fixed on the expectations.
So fixed on them that we forget the GOAL.
We make life about the little things that hold no weight,
and forget about the things that hold ALL the weight.
If I am focused on the goal, focused on what I really want out of life, I will end up looking back on my life at any given time, knowing that I am right where I want to be. But if my life continues to be focused on these expectations that most of the time are fleeting, my life will end up looking a heck of a lot different then I desire it to.
I heard a little sermon given on not mixing up your goals with your expectations about a year ago.
Changed my life. Really though.
Just a little food for thought.
Life Expectation: Life is going to be fun (and at most times, easy). I will get a good education, have some good life experiences before I graduate college. I will get a good paying job and make enough money to provide for myself. I will eventually get married and have a family. I will be involved in a church and constantly involved in ministry, however that looks. I will travel. I will make my days memorable and enjoyable. I will one day look back on my life when I'm old and not regret a thing. (The expectation list all in all, honestly goes on forever probably).
However, I am realizing as I think about the last line of what I expect out of life, it doesn't seem possible. It does not seem possible to look back on my life with no regrets if I am living focused on these expectations that I am not guaranteed, these expectations that hold not nearly as much significance as the goal.
How come we are so fixed on the expectations.
So fixed on them that we forget the GOAL.
We make life about the little things that hold no weight,
and forget about the things that hold ALL the weight.
If I am focused on the goal, focused on what I really want out of life, I will end up looking back on my life at any given time, knowing that I am right where I want to be. But if my life continues to be focused on these expectations that most of the time are fleeting, my life will end up looking a heck of a lot different then I desire it to.
I heard a little sermon given on not mixing up your goals with your expectations about a year ago.
Changed my life. Really though.
Just a little food for thought.
Sunday, February 10, 2013
LEARNING HOW TO LIVE
Last night I lived.
Living and existing. Two entirely different things that I often just see as being one. Last night they were two things though, because existing would have been an understatement. I was much more then just that.
In celebration of my birthday, my roommates and I went to my favorite Japanese restaurant in Hollywood, ate the best food imaginable, laughed at how awkward we felt in a place full of rich people and woman in less clothes then perhaps necessary, and celebrated. While they may have been under the impression that we were celebrating merely the beginning of the 21st year of my life, I think this celebration was a lot more then just that.
We celebrated friendship. We celebrated God's plans, which far outweigh our own (all the time). We celebrated laughter. We celebrated the blessing of living with girls that you can speak what's on your mind to, share your heart with, and laugh about absolutely nothing with. We celebrated not only growing older, but growing happier, more full of joy and wisdom, and more full of life.
In a time and century where its all about getting somewhere else, looking toward the future, and being antsy about what's to come, we celebrated the now.
And it was beautiful.
We drove home talking about girly topics, laughing about anything and everything, and enjoying the fact that God gives us the very things we need all the time.
In this season, in this semester, and at this point in my life: God handed me the very thing I needed.
These two girls.
Here's to the people in life that change everything.
Living and existing. Two entirely different things that I often just see as being one. Last night they were two things though, because existing would have been an understatement. I was much more then just that.
In celebration of my birthday, my roommates and I went to my favorite Japanese restaurant in Hollywood, ate the best food imaginable, laughed at how awkward we felt in a place full of rich people and woman in less clothes then perhaps necessary, and celebrated. While they may have been under the impression that we were celebrating merely the beginning of the 21st year of my life, I think this celebration was a lot more then just that.
We celebrated friendship. We celebrated God's plans, which far outweigh our own (all the time). We celebrated laughter. We celebrated the blessing of living with girls that you can speak what's on your mind to, share your heart with, and laugh about absolutely nothing with. We celebrated not only growing older, but growing happier, more full of joy and wisdom, and more full of life.
In a time and century where its all about getting somewhere else, looking toward the future, and being antsy about what's to come, we celebrated the now.
And it was beautiful.
We drove home talking about girly topics, laughing about anything and everything, and enjoying the fact that God gives us the very things we need all the time.
In this season, in this semester, and at this point in my life: God handed me the very thing I needed.
These two girls.
Here's to the people in life that change everything.
Wednesday, February 6, 2013
IN MY 20TH YEAR OF LIFE
I've learned that the best opportunities we get are the ones we would have never planned for ourselves.
I've learned how to give grace exponentially, and I've realized it sometimes hurts before it heals.
I've learned how to face my fears straight in the eyes and proceed to overcome them.
I've learned that experience teaches you more then you could ever learn in school.
I've learned to thank God for the rough times just as much as you thank Him for the good times.
I've learned that sometimes life is too short to not say what you mean.
I've learned forgiveness in the form of prayers and forgiveness in the form of letters.
I've learned that the scariest things are usually the most worthwhile things.
I've learned that in the end, all you really have is Jesus.
I've learned there is no such thing as a perfect friendship, and that's okay.
I've learned that listening is usually more powerful then speaking.
I've learned that if someone is put in your life, there is always a reason for them being there.
I've learned that sometimes dreams aren't meant to just be dreams, they're meant to be reality.
I've learned to cherish laughter more and just to laugh more altogether.
I've learned that if your best isn't good enough for someone, you deserve better.
I've learned that some things are meant to last a season and some things are meant to last longer.
I've learned that being a leader really just means being a servant.
I've learned to count my blessings daily.
I've learned to look at what I have gained and not what I have lost.
I've learned that God's plans are always better then my own.
I've learned that vulnerability is scary but it is always well worth it in the end.
I've learned that I am capable of more then I think I am.
I've learned that being hard on yourself is an endless battle that you will never win at.
I've learned that taking time for yourself in life isn't selfish at all.
I've learned that sometimes it's okay to say no to things, that the world won't collapse underneath itself.
I've learned how to give more and more when you feel like you have nothing left in you.
I've learned that I can do things I never thought I could.
I've learned that even though I'm afraid of heights, in many ways I feel like a pretty fearless person.
I've learned that life definitely sometimes surprises you.
I've learned that you never regret giving but you often regret ceasing to give often.
I've learned that incompleteness is not the result of being single, but of not being full of Jesus.
I've learned that if you are willing, God will use you the second you desire it.
I've learned that Jesus and friendships have changed my life more then anything else.
I've learned that Romans 8:28 is true, once again.
I've learned that Jesus uses me, Jesus speaks through me, and Jesus is the best thing I have.
I've learned how to give grace exponentially, and I've realized it sometimes hurts before it heals.
I've learned how to face my fears straight in the eyes and proceed to overcome them.
I've learned that experience teaches you more then you could ever learn in school.
I've learned to thank God for the rough times just as much as you thank Him for the good times.
I've learned that sometimes life is too short to not say what you mean.
I've learned forgiveness in the form of prayers and forgiveness in the form of letters.
I've learned that the scariest things are usually the most worthwhile things.
I've learned that in the end, all you really have is Jesus.
I've learned there is no such thing as a perfect friendship, and that's okay.
I've learned that listening is usually more powerful then speaking.
I've learned that if someone is put in your life, there is always a reason for them being there.
I've learned that sometimes dreams aren't meant to just be dreams, they're meant to be reality.
I've learned to cherish laughter more and just to laugh more altogether.
I've learned that if your best isn't good enough for someone, you deserve better.
I've learned that some things are meant to last a season and some things are meant to last longer.
I've learned that being a leader really just means being a servant.
I've learned to count my blessings daily.
I've learned to look at what I have gained and not what I have lost.
I've learned that God's plans are always better then my own.
I've learned that vulnerability is scary but it is always well worth it in the end.
I've learned that I am capable of more then I think I am.
I've learned that being hard on yourself is an endless battle that you will never win at.
I've learned that taking time for yourself in life isn't selfish at all.
I've learned that sometimes it's okay to say no to things, that the world won't collapse underneath itself.
I've learned how to give more and more when you feel like you have nothing left in you.
I've learned that I can do things I never thought I could.
I've learned that even though I'm afraid of heights, in many ways I feel like a pretty fearless person.
I've learned that life definitely sometimes surprises you.
I've learned that you never regret giving but you often regret ceasing to give often.
I've learned that incompleteness is not the result of being single, but of not being full of Jesus.
I've learned that if you are willing, God will use you the second you desire it.
I've learned that Jesus and friendships have changed my life more then anything else.
I've learned that Romans 8:28 is true, once again.
I've learned that Jesus uses me, Jesus speaks through me, and Jesus is the best thing I have.
Friday, January 4, 2013
LESSONS FROM A FILM
I don't think I have EVER, ever, in my entire life of ample movie watching have ever seen a film that sparked emotions like the one I saw tonight.
I was weeping within like twenty minutes, balling throughout the entire movie (no exaggeration at all), I was literally gasping, totally overwhelmed with anxiety at some points, disturbed, frustrated, but somehow, so filled... in a weird way. I would never watch it again because it was the heaviest film I've seen and I think I can live and remember it well and appreciate it thoroughly just seeing it once. However, throughout the whole movie all I could think of was Jesus and the life He calls us to live. Without ruining the film, I wanted to just point out a few themes that blew my mind through the brillant art of filmmaking and the true life of one family caught up in a tsunami. 'The Impossible' was a reminder that
+ We need to see others in the eyes of love. If we saw everyone as precious human beings that are loved by people and someone's kids or parents or family or friends, we would treat the entire human race so differently. Just putting ourselves out there for someone else knowing that to someone they are the world, is so powerful.
+ Life is about family. Life is about treating everyone we know like family.
+ We cannot let fear cripple our lives, it would and can control us entirely.
+ God marvelously created humans to someone find strength when it doesn't make sense. Even when we are at our worst, our weakest, our most broken, our sickest. There is something about a human soul when its set on fire for a cause and a purpose that nothing can stop.
+ Selfless lives are remembered. Somehow, to someone. They aren't forgotten.
+ There is so much power and beauty in a life that makes things about other people, even to their very last breath.
I was weeping within like twenty minutes, balling throughout the entire movie (no exaggeration at all), I was literally gasping, totally overwhelmed with anxiety at some points, disturbed, frustrated, but somehow, so filled... in a weird way. I would never watch it again because it was the heaviest film I've seen and I think I can live and remember it well and appreciate it thoroughly just seeing it once. However, throughout the whole movie all I could think of was Jesus and the life He calls us to live. Without ruining the film, I wanted to just point out a few themes that blew my mind through the brillant art of filmmaking and the true life of one family caught up in a tsunami. 'The Impossible' was a reminder that
+ We need to see others in the eyes of love. If we saw everyone as precious human beings that are loved by people and someone's kids or parents or family or friends, we would treat the entire human race so differently. Just putting ourselves out there for someone else knowing that to someone they are the world, is so powerful.
+ Life is about family. Life is about treating everyone we know like family.
+ We cannot let fear cripple our lives, it would and can control us entirely.
+ God marvelously created humans to someone find strength when it doesn't make sense. Even when we are at our worst, our weakest, our most broken, our sickest. There is something about a human soul when its set on fire for a cause and a purpose that nothing can stop.
+ Selfless lives are remembered. Somehow, to someone. They aren't forgotten.
+ There is so much power and beauty in a life that makes things about other people, even to their very last breath.
Tuesday, January 1, 2013
THE NEW YEARS RESOLUTION POST
+ To allow God to change my plans and to never fight it
+ To learn to love better, to love without limits or standards
+ To be set free of pain, fear, and expectations
+ To grow as a leader and also as a follower
+ To be more intentional and dedicated in prayer
+ To allow myself imperfections, to cut myself some slack
+ To make my life continually more and more about others and less and less about things
+ To serve and to do things expecting nothing in return
+ To surrender anxiety and stress daily
+ To read more, write more, and to design more
+ To put myself out there even when its not comfortable
+ To find a home church at school and dedicate myself to that community
+ To not neglect being poured into by others
+ To embrace singleness and give thanks for it
+ To never dwell on negativity
+ To seek the fruits of the Spirit intentionally for my own life
+ To not be defined by the clothes I wear
+ To push myself to do things that scare me
+ To believe in myself more and to trust God more
+ To work enthusiastically for the Lord
+ To let go of the past, to not look back
+ To bless others more often with my words
+ To invest in Kingdom things daily
+ To learn to love better, to love without limits or standards
+ To be set free of pain, fear, and expectations
+ To grow as a leader and also as a follower
+ To be more intentional and dedicated in prayer
+ To allow myself imperfections, to cut myself some slack
+ To make my life continually more and more about others and less and less about things
+ To serve and to do things expecting nothing in return
+ To surrender anxiety and stress daily
+ To read more, write more, and to design more
+ To put myself out there even when its not comfortable
+ To find a home church at school and dedicate myself to that community
+ To not neglect being poured into by others
+ To embrace singleness and give thanks for it
+ To never dwell on negativity
+ To seek the fruits of the Spirit intentionally for my own life
+ To not be defined by the clothes I wear
+ To push myself to do things that scare me
+ To believe in myself more and to trust God more
+ To work enthusiastically for the Lord
+ To let go of the past, to not look back
+ To bless others more often with my words
+ To invest in Kingdom things daily
Saturday, December 22, 2012
MY OWN WORDS BEING USED AGAINST ME
Point blank: rejection sucks. It sucks when in some ways you reject yourself, you try and prove yourself to be not enough in some way, shape, or form. It sucks when you feel rejected or that you are not enough by your own family. It sucks when you feel rejected in a friendship. And it sucks when you get rejected in a relationship.
Earlier tonight I was driving back from a bachelorette party for two engaged friends, my heart was split in half. Half of my heart screaming 'I want that Lord, I want that so bad' and the other half of my heart breathing a sigh of relief that all those things married people have to worry about I won't have to even think about for God knows how long. But I think that the worst lie that was thrown in my face after talking to God about my desire in a lot of ways to be in their shoes, was the lie that I am not enough and that is why I am not in a relationship, let alone engaged. The thought 'I am not enough' is indeed a lie. And I don't know about you, but it has tormented me in more ways then one. The thought of it alone can bring tears to my eyes because of the hold and power it has had in my life. There has definitely been times where I feel the whole world is just screaming 'Megan you're just not good enough' or 'Megan you're just not smart enough' or 'Megan you're just not pretty enough.' If there is one line that breaks me down and wrecks my heart it is the thought of not being enough. I like to feel worth and value and I like to feel loved and cherished, the thought of not being enough rips that to shreds.
All the irony in the world though is behind me caring about whether or not other people view me as 'enough.' Because #1, I know it is a lie. And #2, I once did a devotional on it that had more people then I can count on my fingers thanking me for speaking something into existence that they truly needed (blew my mind).
It's sad how sometimes our flesh likes to mislead us, away from the truth that our heart knows and into, in many ways, Satan's territory. Tonight I am reminding myself that I am enough because Jesus says so.
No relationship on this Earth, no matter how great it is, can give me the type of reassurance and worth that Jesus gives me. Plain and simple. People opinions, as heavy and burdening as they can sometimes be, actually hold no power. How often do I focus on being enough in the world's eyes and not how I just really desire to be enough in God's eyes. And I am. I am enough in God's eyes because I love him and want His Will, I want to bring glory to His name, I want to bring the Kingdom to this Earth. The petty things don't hold weight like they do on this Earth. If looks or intelligence or being enough for some boy is going to hold weight, then clearly we need to redirect our eyes on what matters to the Lord.
When I set my eyes on the idea that I am not enough, Satan wins. And Satan, you may not win. You are a loser and you will lose in the end anyways.
“Stop determining your worth and value by what other people say. Be determined by what the Word of God says.”
Joyce Meyer
Earlier tonight I was driving back from a bachelorette party for two engaged friends, my heart was split in half. Half of my heart screaming 'I want that Lord, I want that so bad' and the other half of my heart breathing a sigh of relief that all those things married people have to worry about I won't have to even think about for God knows how long. But I think that the worst lie that was thrown in my face after talking to God about my desire in a lot of ways to be in their shoes, was the lie that I am not enough and that is why I am not in a relationship, let alone engaged. The thought 'I am not enough' is indeed a lie. And I don't know about you, but it has tormented me in more ways then one. The thought of it alone can bring tears to my eyes because of the hold and power it has had in my life. There has definitely been times where I feel the whole world is just screaming 'Megan you're just not good enough' or 'Megan you're just not smart enough' or 'Megan you're just not pretty enough.' If there is one line that breaks me down and wrecks my heart it is the thought of not being enough. I like to feel worth and value and I like to feel loved and cherished, the thought of not being enough rips that to shreds.
All the irony in the world though is behind me caring about whether or not other people view me as 'enough.' Because #1, I know it is a lie. And #2, I once did a devotional on it that had more people then I can count on my fingers thanking me for speaking something into existence that they truly needed (blew my mind).
It's sad how sometimes our flesh likes to mislead us, away from the truth that our heart knows and into, in many ways, Satan's territory. Tonight I am reminding myself that I am enough because Jesus says so.
No relationship on this Earth, no matter how great it is, can give me the type of reassurance and worth that Jesus gives me. Plain and simple. People opinions, as heavy and burdening as they can sometimes be, actually hold no power. How often do I focus on being enough in the world's eyes and not how I just really desire to be enough in God's eyes. And I am. I am enough in God's eyes because I love him and want His Will, I want to bring glory to His name, I want to bring the Kingdom to this Earth. The petty things don't hold weight like they do on this Earth. If looks or intelligence or being enough for some boy is going to hold weight, then clearly we need to redirect our eyes on what matters to the Lord.
When I set my eyes on the idea that I am not enough, Satan wins. And Satan, you may not win. You are a loser and you will lose in the end anyways.
“Stop determining your worth and value by what other people say. Be determined by what the Word of God says.”
Joyce Meyer
Wednesday, December 19, 2012
LESSONS FROM A WAITER
Yesterday my roommate and I went to see The Voice, our favorite show and the only show I have been following on Hulu this past semester. So basically, from the get go it was a great day. We spent all day on our feet, cheering, screaming, losing our voices, and naturally, at the end of it all, all we wanted to do was eat. We went to a nearby restaurant, it was pretty empty, considering it was 9:30 and no one eats dinner that late.
It shouldn't have surprised us, because God had literally given us favor and showered us with surprise blessings all day, but He did it yet again in giving us a wonderful waiter. Like, I'm talking the kind that makes you want to eat slower because he was so down to Earth and caring. He was a middle aged man with huge dreads going all the way down to his knees... rad and one-of-a-kind to say the least. He was the kindest, friendliest stranger I had interacted with in a very long time.
The First Lesson:
At one point in the meal my roommate questioned 'I wonder how long it took him to grow out his hair?' My natural reaction was 'that cannot be all his hair... there is no way, it must be extensions or something.' So she proceeded to ask him about it... he said he has been growing his hair for twenty years. TWENTY YEARS. I have only been alive for twenty years, there is no way I could grow my hair that long without cutting it. It blew my mind. He then told us how he thinks for the new year he is going to chop it all off. I laughed and said that I would never chop off all my hair, and how much hair he had put mine to shame.
He said how his hair had been through a lot (metaphorically speaking)... a lot of junk in his life had been caught up in that hair and at this point, he wanted to just get rid of it all and start fresh. I sat there in awe and my head was running though how brilliant of a metaphor that is for so many things in life. How often does our junk and worry and questions and sins just keep piling up on themselves before we ever think to just let go of it all? How often would we rather bask in the comfort of not getting rid of the things we are so accustomed to, instead of step out of our comfort zone and change things? How often do these things that we don't want in our life, the things that pull us down instead of free us, how often do those things pile up on us without us ever realizing it... with the result of being weighed down with 'twenty years worth of dreads'?
I don't know about you, but in twenty years I don't want to be wishing I let go of things that I just always held on to out of comfort and familiarity. Change and letting go is good when change and letting go means freedom and lifted burdens.
The Second Lesson:
Before we ate our meal, we said a quick prayer. Usually I do it in my head or if we do choose to pray in public, it typically means a quick prayer as to not make others uncomfortable or draw attention. However, when we prayed quickly for our meal, our waiter came up, lightly touched our shoulders and listened to our prayer with respect, as to pray along with us. After, my roommate and I were blown away. Here's the thing, out of the million times I have prayed in public, no waiter has ever done that. I mean, the chances of our waiter being a Christian are possible, but to be honest, if he wasn't a Christian it was all the more powerful. I think the beauty in him meeting us where we were at, respecting our beliefs, and caring enough to in a sense, view things through our lenses, was so incredibly powerful.
I questioned how often myself, and the entire church perhaps, allows ourselves to be in other people's shoes. We allow ourselves to be in other Christians shoes all the time, but how about people of other faiths or that don't have a faith in God at all? We don't allow ourselves to meet those people where they are at. We fight for words, for persuasion, to convince, to make our beliefs known, instead of just put our hands on their shoulders and love them where they are at.
Woah.
The Third Lesson:
We asked for our check and our waiter proceeded to ask if we wanted dessert... and that it would be on him. I mean, whens the last time I had a waiter pay for my best friend and I to have dessert? Um, how about never. So we ate the most bomb brownie and ice cream dessert and felt so blessed by someone else's generosity. My heart after that night felt so blown away and so blessed by that gesture of kindness, I don't think that reaching out and loving others means anything crazy extravagant, this brownie dessert sure did well and it made me question, like, what if I chose to intentionally bless strangers day-to-day in the little things, not always in the crazy big things? A random encouragement on a post-it note or a Starbucks being payed for. How much would the world be blessed and changed if we just began this chain of loving people when we have no idea where they are at in life. Eventually, we will hit loving on people that needed that love every little bit. We will eventually hit the people that didn't just smile, they wept because they realized they are loved and valued in this world.
I think that the quote 'he/she didn't have to do this' is so powerful, and should be what people say about Christians all the time. We don't have to do this or that, or go above and beyond to love people, but as Christians we should.
I saw beauty and power in loving strangers, we are called to love our neighbors and those that are near to us in life, but what about everyone else?
It shouldn't have surprised us, because God had literally given us favor and showered us with surprise blessings all day, but He did it yet again in giving us a wonderful waiter. Like, I'm talking the kind that makes you want to eat slower because he was so down to Earth and caring. He was a middle aged man with huge dreads going all the way down to his knees... rad and one-of-a-kind to say the least. He was the kindest, friendliest stranger I had interacted with in a very long time.
The First Lesson:
At one point in the meal my roommate questioned 'I wonder how long it took him to grow out his hair?' My natural reaction was 'that cannot be all his hair... there is no way, it must be extensions or something.' So she proceeded to ask him about it... he said he has been growing his hair for twenty years. TWENTY YEARS. I have only been alive for twenty years, there is no way I could grow my hair that long without cutting it. It blew my mind. He then told us how he thinks for the new year he is going to chop it all off. I laughed and said that I would never chop off all my hair, and how much hair he had put mine to shame.
He said how his hair had been through a lot (metaphorically speaking)... a lot of junk in his life had been caught up in that hair and at this point, he wanted to just get rid of it all and start fresh. I sat there in awe and my head was running though how brilliant of a metaphor that is for so many things in life. How often does our junk and worry and questions and sins just keep piling up on themselves before we ever think to just let go of it all? How often would we rather bask in the comfort of not getting rid of the things we are so accustomed to, instead of step out of our comfort zone and change things? How often do these things that we don't want in our life, the things that pull us down instead of free us, how often do those things pile up on us without us ever realizing it... with the result of being weighed down with 'twenty years worth of dreads'?
I don't know about you, but in twenty years I don't want to be wishing I let go of things that I just always held on to out of comfort and familiarity. Change and letting go is good when change and letting go means freedom and lifted burdens.
The Second Lesson:
Before we ate our meal, we said a quick prayer. Usually I do it in my head or if we do choose to pray in public, it typically means a quick prayer as to not make others uncomfortable or draw attention. However, when we prayed quickly for our meal, our waiter came up, lightly touched our shoulders and listened to our prayer with respect, as to pray along with us. After, my roommate and I were blown away. Here's the thing, out of the million times I have prayed in public, no waiter has ever done that. I mean, the chances of our waiter being a Christian are possible, but to be honest, if he wasn't a Christian it was all the more powerful. I think the beauty in him meeting us where we were at, respecting our beliefs, and caring enough to in a sense, view things through our lenses, was so incredibly powerful.
I questioned how often myself, and the entire church perhaps, allows ourselves to be in other people's shoes. We allow ourselves to be in other Christians shoes all the time, but how about people of other faiths or that don't have a faith in God at all? We don't allow ourselves to meet those people where they are at. We fight for words, for persuasion, to convince, to make our beliefs known, instead of just put our hands on their shoulders and love them where they are at.
Woah.
The Third Lesson:
We asked for our check and our waiter proceeded to ask if we wanted dessert... and that it would be on him. I mean, whens the last time I had a waiter pay for my best friend and I to have dessert? Um, how about never. So we ate the most bomb brownie and ice cream dessert and felt so blessed by someone else's generosity. My heart after that night felt so blown away and so blessed by that gesture of kindness, I don't think that reaching out and loving others means anything crazy extravagant, this brownie dessert sure did well and it made me question, like, what if I chose to intentionally bless strangers day-to-day in the little things, not always in the crazy big things? A random encouragement on a post-it note or a Starbucks being payed for. How much would the world be blessed and changed if we just began this chain of loving people when we have no idea where they are at in life. Eventually, we will hit loving on people that needed that love every little bit. We will eventually hit the people that didn't just smile, they wept because they realized they are loved and valued in this world.
I think that the quote 'he/she didn't have to do this' is so powerful, and should be what people say about Christians all the time. We don't have to do this or that, or go above and beyond to love people, but as Christians we should.
I saw beauty and power in loving strangers, we are called to love our neighbors and those that are near to us in life, but what about everyone else?
Wednesday, December 5, 2012
A LETTER TO 15-YEAR-OLD ME
Dear sophomore-in-high-school, unsure-of-herself, stuck-in-her-hometown Megan,
You are newly baptized and head over heels in love with the Lord. You chose Him and you left your worldly life behind you at last. Five years later (and for the rest of your life) you will never forget that decision. It has been the best one yet.
News to you, your high school experience is about to change entirely. You actually won't graduate in a class of hundreds of people. You will spend the next two years at a high school that will break you down and build you up with things that will prepare you for what is to come in ways that you can't even imagine. You will know what it feels like to be judged and (briefly) hated for your faith, but you will be better because of it. You will find out what you believe, what your passionate about, and you will push yourself academically in ways that you may never experience again. You will become like family with the 58 people that surround you. Your teachers will become friends and you will truly miss those days once they are over. The people around you will change your life and you will never forget them. Oh, and college academic life will never be as difficult as you're about to endure for those two years. So have confidence and hope in that, your getting through the hardest of it.
You probably wouldn't believe it if I told you now but you will spend a summer in New York pursuing your dream, everything you ever wanted. You will attend the university of your dreams and take classes for interior design, exactly what you dreamed of for college your entire life. You will ball your eyes out on your apartment floor because of how sleep deprived you'll be and how intense the assignments are, but you will also have countless spontaneous adventures in the city that you'll remember forever. Like that one time you end up getting your nose pierced at a sketchy place, and your parents will never let you hear the end of it. You will live out the motto YOLO even though it isn't invented yet. NYC will feel more like home then a tourist location, who knew? But in the end, you will give that dream up. It will break you. But God has something better in store, that I assure you of.
You will end up in the one place you swore you would never go, a Christian University. You always laughed at those. Also, the location will pale in comparison to NYC. God has a funny way of working things out. Right now, you are so used to being amidst the world that being in a Christian bubble seems laughable to you, but you'll shake your head and giggle later about it. You will feel more at home in that place then you've ever felt. You will learn the meaning of Christian community, you will meet friends that transform your life, you will take classes that challenge you, you will have a whole slew of priceless roommates, you will grow and mature, you will find you, and you will never look back on the plans you once made for yourself and want to change a single thing.
Remember how you spent Spring Break in Mexico once? Remember how your parents almost refused to let you go? Remember how you barely knew God then? Remember how people that went with you were confused by your cussing, your demeanor, and your motives? Remember how you went selfishly to 'do good'? In four years time you'll spend two months in Africa. Your parents will nearly not let you go (but they come around, don't worry). You will know God then, you will serve with different motives, a different heart, and different intentions. You will go selflessly to 'do good' for the Kingdom. You will bring the church choir to a community of people with leprosy, you will love on the sweetest little girl named Jesca that will teach you love as you've never known it, you will teach kids English at a school there, you will ride a camel, you will see the most beautiful view you've ever seen (and probably ever will), and you will play Swahili hand games for days on end. This trip will wreck you and show you the meaning of life in ways that you could only dream of seeing now.
You will become a leader in ways that right now you haven't the slightest clue of. People will entrust big things with you, you will carry others burdens, you will be challenged, you will be used in unbelievable ways, and you will learn to trust God and lean on Him daily because of it. The biggest change in your life is it will become less about a career and this whole mapped out life plan, and more about loving people well. Your desires out of life will change in the most perfect and necessary way.
You will finally live your dream of working at a summer camp as a camp counselor. However, I doubt you ever thought you'd end up in Texas for 10 weeks to do just that. You will hear stories that will break you down and realize what true empathy for other people looks and feels like. You will love on girls for weeks with nothing else on your "to do list." You will rely on Jesus for everything. You will conquer fears, do things you never thought you would, you will shock yourself, and you will learn from people so different then yourself. Oh, also, who knew in five years you would become a certified lifeguard. Well done, girl who can barely do the butterfly.
There will be a day when you are content and secure in your body, with your brain, and with your heart. You will be thankful to be walking in your own shoes, you will cherish you life, and you will believe in yourself at last. The day will come, I promise.
There will also be a day where you allow yourself to fall for a guy. The thing you always dreamed of in theory you will finally be granted after years of trying to be patient for it. But if I could tell you anything it would be to stop waiting for that day because when it gets there, it will eventually just pass right by you. You will be left wrecked and hurt in a way that you never imagined you would be or have ever felt before, but out of it will come something beautiful. You are going to cherish singleness and believe every bit of the Bible that speaks of the blessings that come with it. You will get the thing you thought you always dreamed of, but then realize you already have so much in Jesus alone. You will finally, truly and entirely be grateful for it to be just you and Him.
You will still be best friends with the girls at your youth group that surround you. They will be your rock when life is hard, they will still be the first people you call in five years from now, they will know you better then anyone else because they have lived life consistently alongside you, they will be like sisters to you. You will never find friendships the same as theirs.
You will still be stubborn at times but God will work in your heart to allow you to love people better then you've ever been able to. You will view yourself as loving in time, I promise. And other people will too.
You will pursue graphic design, which surely doesn't seem even imaginable to you right now. You will never have a growth spurt... you'll still be 5'0" but you will still love every second of it. You will become best friends with your parents, they will become a source of consistency, love, support, and belief in you that you cannot even imagine right now. One day you will truly appreciate all that they have been for you, right now you are just blinded to see that.
You will be rocked by Jesus. He will work in your life in ways that you want so badly right now. He will answer big prayers, change your heart in huge ways, and be so near to you daily. Jesus will be your all in all, your everything. Your whole life will revolve around Him, and it will be beautiful and you'll never regret it for a single second. His workings in your life will be undeniable.
You won't recognize yourself in five years, but in the best possible way imaginable. Your life will be a beautiful adventure with people in it that put the movies to shame. Your life will be everything you ever wanted, just packaged a lot different then you expect.
Sincerely, twenty-year-old, moved-out and moved-on, Megan.
You are newly baptized and head over heels in love with the Lord. You chose Him and you left your worldly life behind you at last. Five years later (and for the rest of your life) you will never forget that decision. It has been the best one yet.
News to you, your high school experience is about to change entirely. You actually won't graduate in a class of hundreds of people. You will spend the next two years at a high school that will break you down and build you up with things that will prepare you for what is to come in ways that you can't even imagine. You will know what it feels like to be judged and (briefly) hated for your faith, but you will be better because of it. You will find out what you believe, what your passionate about, and you will push yourself academically in ways that you may never experience again. You will become like family with the 58 people that surround you. Your teachers will become friends and you will truly miss those days once they are over. The people around you will change your life and you will never forget them. Oh, and college academic life will never be as difficult as you're about to endure for those two years. So have confidence and hope in that, your getting through the hardest of it.
You probably wouldn't believe it if I told you now but you will spend a summer in New York pursuing your dream, everything you ever wanted. You will attend the university of your dreams and take classes for interior design, exactly what you dreamed of for college your entire life. You will ball your eyes out on your apartment floor because of how sleep deprived you'll be and how intense the assignments are, but you will also have countless spontaneous adventures in the city that you'll remember forever. Like that one time you end up getting your nose pierced at a sketchy place, and your parents will never let you hear the end of it. You will live out the motto YOLO even though it isn't invented yet. NYC will feel more like home then a tourist location, who knew? But in the end, you will give that dream up. It will break you. But God has something better in store, that I assure you of.
You will end up in the one place you swore you would never go, a Christian University. You always laughed at those. Also, the location will pale in comparison to NYC. God has a funny way of working things out. Right now, you are so used to being amidst the world that being in a Christian bubble seems laughable to you, but you'll shake your head and giggle later about it. You will feel more at home in that place then you've ever felt. You will learn the meaning of Christian community, you will meet friends that transform your life, you will take classes that challenge you, you will have a whole slew of priceless roommates, you will grow and mature, you will find you, and you will never look back on the plans you once made for yourself and want to change a single thing.
Remember how you spent Spring Break in Mexico once? Remember how your parents almost refused to let you go? Remember how you barely knew God then? Remember how people that went with you were confused by your cussing, your demeanor, and your motives? Remember how you went selfishly to 'do good'? In four years time you'll spend two months in Africa. Your parents will nearly not let you go (but they come around, don't worry). You will know God then, you will serve with different motives, a different heart, and different intentions. You will go selflessly to 'do good' for the Kingdom. You will bring the church choir to a community of people with leprosy, you will love on the sweetest little girl named Jesca that will teach you love as you've never known it, you will teach kids English at a school there, you will ride a camel, you will see the most beautiful view you've ever seen (and probably ever will), and you will play Swahili hand games for days on end. This trip will wreck you and show you the meaning of life in ways that you could only dream of seeing now.
You will become a leader in ways that right now you haven't the slightest clue of. People will entrust big things with you, you will carry others burdens, you will be challenged, you will be used in unbelievable ways, and you will learn to trust God and lean on Him daily because of it. The biggest change in your life is it will become less about a career and this whole mapped out life plan, and more about loving people well. Your desires out of life will change in the most perfect and necessary way.
You will finally live your dream of working at a summer camp as a camp counselor. However, I doubt you ever thought you'd end up in Texas for 10 weeks to do just that. You will hear stories that will break you down and realize what true empathy for other people looks and feels like. You will love on girls for weeks with nothing else on your "to do list." You will rely on Jesus for everything. You will conquer fears, do things you never thought you would, you will shock yourself, and you will learn from people so different then yourself. Oh, also, who knew in five years you would become a certified lifeguard. Well done, girl who can barely do the butterfly.
There will be a day when you are content and secure in your body, with your brain, and with your heart. You will be thankful to be walking in your own shoes, you will cherish you life, and you will believe in yourself at last. The day will come, I promise.
There will also be a day where you allow yourself to fall for a guy. The thing you always dreamed of in theory you will finally be granted after years of trying to be patient for it. But if I could tell you anything it would be to stop waiting for that day because when it gets there, it will eventually just pass right by you. You will be left wrecked and hurt in a way that you never imagined you would be or have ever felt before, but out of it will come something beautiful. You are going to cherish singleness and believe every bit of the Bible that speaks of the blessings that come with it. You will get the thing you thought you always dreamed of, but then realize you already have so much in Jesus alone. You will finally, truly and entirely be grateful for it to be just you and Him.
You will still be best friends with the girls at your youth group that surround you. They will be your rock when life is hard, they will still be the first people you call in five years from now, they will know you better then anyone else because they have lived life consistently alongside you, they will be like sisters to you. You will never find friendships the same as theirs.
You will still be stubborn at times but God will work in your heart to allow you to love people better then you've ever been able to. You will view yourself as loving in time, I promise. And other people will too.
You will pursue graphic design, which surely doesn't seem even imaginable to you right now. You will never have a growth spurt... you'll still be 5'0" but you will still love every second of it. You will become best friends with your parents, they will become a source of consistency, love, support, and belief in you that you cannot even imagine right now. One day you will truly appreciate all that they have been for you, right now you are just blinded to see that.
You will be rocked by Jesus. He will work in your life in ways that you want so badly right now. He will answer big prayers, change your heart in huge ways, and be so near to you daily. Jesus will be your all in all, your everything. Your whole life will revolve around Him, and it will be beautiful and you'll never regret it for a single second. His workings in your life will be undeniable.
You won't recognize yourself in five years, but in the best possible way imaginable. Your life will be a beautiful adventure with people in it that put the movies to shame. Your life will be everything you ever wanted, just packaged a lot different then you expect.
Sincerely, twenty-year-old, moved-out and moved-on, Megan.
Friday, November 30, 2012
THE END OF A CONSTANT
You see, I came to college knowing nothing about what would hit me. (Do we ever?) I thought it would be a fun four years of change and maturity and fun and learning. I had no idea what I was in for.
I had no idea that my pursuit of education would turn into a pursuit of loving people better then I loved getting good grades. I had no idea that my pursuit of maturity would turn into a pursuit of being a better leader. I had no idea that my desire to study abroad would turn into serving (not studying) during a two month long trip to Tanzania. I had no idea that my desire to learn would result in learning more about myself then I have ever learned from a textbook. I had no clue what was coming.
However, amidst all of this change and growth during these incredible two and a half years, there has been one thing that has changed everything.
Alpha.
I was immediately put into an alpha group the first night I moved in to college. I had no idea what that even meant, nor what impact this group would have on my life... this whole program would have on my life. My alpha leader transformed my freshmen year, she showed me what it looked like to follow Christ, to have true freedom, she believed in me at times far more then I believed in myself, she was intentional and real with me, and whenever I needed someone to brighten my day it was always her that did it. She was so good at it too. It was her belief in me and the community that she created that inspired me to apply to be in her position. So I did.
And then I got it.
And I had absolutely no idea what was coming for me. I had never felt like a real leader in life before, getting that position was the first step toward my journey. The group of freshmen that I got blessed to lead taught me, as cliche as it sounds, to be a leader. They allowed me to be myself and to lead out of the essence of my character. They went along with my crazy ideas (going to Roscoes for our last meeting, pinatas, crazy games, eating a ridiculous amount of dessert every meeting) and they celebrated the beauty of life with me so well. They showered me with love and encouragement and supported me just as much as I sought to support them.
My alpha leader got the position where she would be leading alpha leaders, and all the irony in the world landed me in her best friend's group, who likewise got the position. The night I found out who I would be led by in this season, I knew I was going to get the leader I got. I knew that in some way, I needed this girl in my life. I have never been so glad I was right in my entire life.
My alpha coordinator transformed my sophomore year, she showed me what a woman of God looks like, she showed me the power of vulnerability in leadership, she was the first person I'd call when I needed someone, the first person I wanted to share exciting news with, she was strength when I was struggling, and she was the incredible wisdom that no one else in my life could give to me. She knew me better then I could ever have fathomed someone could in just months of knowing me. She was quite literally Christ's hands and feet in my life.
The group of leaders that surrounded me under her leadership taught me more about community then I have ever learned, they were the people that I laughed hardest with and the people that I preferred to be with over anyone else in life. They believed in me and they fostered in me a leader that finally, began to believe in herself. It was my alpha coordinator's belief in me and the community that surrounded me that inspired me to apply for my leader's position. So I did.
As luck would have it, and definitely as some miracle would have it, I got it.
The night I got the position was roughly one year ago. I remember the tears, the screams, the shock. I remember the crazy stream of praying because I never expected for the e-mail to congratulate me instead of turn me down. I had more emotions in one night then I could even handle. Then it hit me the fears I had, the challenges I knew I would face, but that people believed in me. I knew in my heart I could do it and I did not doubt God's hand in this all.
This past year of leading leaders has taught me leaps and bounds about life and what I want out of it. I realized the power of leading out of brokenness instead of out of my strength. I realized that being real and vulnerable with the people you are leading pays off, having it all together is more of a lie then it would ever be a blessing to those that you lead. I saw the extent that God wants to use me and the big things that He chooses to do with my life and my words. I realized that I can do nothing in it of my own strength, but God sure can do crazy things through me. I realized that life is meaningless if you are not loving those around you, and loving them well. I have overcome more fears then I can count on my fingers. I have experienced more hurt then I have in a long while. But I have experienced more joy and had more breakthroughs then I could ever list. I have learned the meaning of grace, given it out a lot, and been blow away by God's sovereignty amidst that. I have been broken but I have been mended well and all the more beautifully. I have seen how God changes things, redeems things, and heals things that are only in His power to do.
The group of people that lead alongside me the past year have blown my mind and enriched my heart in a multitude of ways. They have filled me up when I was running on empty, they have taken my burdens as their own, and they have loved me so well. I gained five girls that I know are there for me from here on and a handful of incredibly influential men of God that continue to bless my life, and will much past sharing the same leadership title. They have shown me how twelve incredibly diverse individuals can come together for one common purpose, to pour into people that in turn show the entire freshmen class at this university who Jesus is. They have taught me how no one leadership style is supreme, there is power in leading in different ways. They have shown me Christ and they have encouraged the living daylights out of me.
The group that I was blessed to lead taught me and tangibly showed me selfless, sacrificial love. They challenged me to love harder, to enjoy life more, and to listen closer because of the way that they lived it themselves. They allowed me to be their rocks even when they know very well how imperfect and broken I am myself. They also were endlessly willing to be my rock whenever I needed them. They have entrusted me with their prayers and their hearts, and they have prayed for me and been willing to hear my own heart as well. They gave me grace, made me laugh at my worst moments, and gave me tears of joy often. They have believed in me relentlessly and encouraged me with all the encouragement I could ever need. They have inspired me with the way that they are so incredibly intentional with each other and love each other where they are at daily. They have taught me, just as I once said in a devotional to them, that I am enough, in my rawest, realest form. It was their belief in me and the community that they continue to create to this day and to this second, that has inspired me... that has changed my entire life.
I sit here on November 30th, 2012 with the new found realization that I am no longer a part of the Alpha Program. I am no longer an alphie, no longer an alpha leader, no longer an alpha coordinator. I am no longer on a student leadership contract and for the first time in two and a half years, I am no longer under a technical leadership position at all.
The weirdest realization.
As much as I feel today marks the technical end of a constant throughout my life since I entered college, I cannot for one second lack any amount of thankfulness for where I am at in my life. I was blessed by a program that gave me some of my best friends, that gave me some of the most influential leaders I will ever have in my life, that allowed me to experience God in beautiful ways, that allowed me to learn to believe in myself in ways I never did before. As much as I can think all day long that this is the end of a peak in my life, I know that God has many more peaks to come, He is using this merely to prepare me all the more. Thank you Jesus for so many blessings, for endless love and for choosing to use me, even in all of my brokenness. You are good and you are so faithful.
I had no idea that my pursuit of education would turn into a pursuit of loving people better then I loved getting good grades. I had no idea that my pursuit of maturity would turn into a pursuit of being a better leader. I had no idea that my desire to study abroad would turn into serving (not studying) during a two month long trip to Tanzania. I had no idea that my desire to learn would result in learning more about myself then I have ever learned from a textbook. I had no clue what was coming.
However, amidst all of this change and growth during these incredible two and a half years, there has been one thing that has changed everything.
Alpha.
I was immediately put into an alpha group the first night I moved in to college. I had no idea what that even meant, nor what impact this group would have on my life... this whole program would have on my life. My alpha leader transformed my freshmen year, she showed me what it looked like to follow Christ, to have true freedom, she believed in me at times far more then I believed in myself, she was intentional and real with me, and whenever I needed someone to brighten my day it was always her that did it. She was so good at it too. It was her belief in me and the community that she created that inspired me to apply to be in her position. So I did.
 |
| The best Alpha Leader ever... but really. |
And I had absolutely no idea what was coming for me. I had never felt like a real leader in life before, getting that position was the first step toward my journey. The group of freshmen that I got blessed to lead taught me, as cliche as it sounds, to be a leader. They allowed me to be myself and to lead out of the essence of my character. They went along with my crazy ideas (going to Roscoes for our last meeting, pinatas, crazy games, eating a ridiculous amount of dessert every meeting) and they celebrated the beauty of life with me so well. They showered me with love and encouragement and supported me just as much as I sought to support them.
 |
| My Alpha Group. The incredible group of people I got to lead. |
 |
| My beautiful Alpha Coordinator (left) and Alpha Leader (right). |
The group of leaders that surrounded me under her leadership taught me more about community then I have ever learned, they were the people that I laughed hardest with and the people that I preferred to be with over anyone else in life. They believed in me and they fostered in me a leader that finally, began to believe in herself. It was my alpha coordinator's belief in me and the community that surrounded me that inspired me to apply for my leader's position. So I did.
 |
| Reunion of my Alpha Coordinator Group, October 2012. |
The night I got the position was roughly one year ago. I remember the tears, the screams, the shock. I remember the crazy stream of praying because I never expected for the e-mail to congratulate me instead of turn me down. I had more emotions in one night then I could even handle. Then it hit me the fears I had, the challenges I knew I would face, but that people believed in me. I knew in my heart I could do it and I did not doubt God's hand in this all.
This past year of leading leaders has taught me leaps and bounds about life and what I want out of it. I realized the power of leading out of brokenness instead of out of my strength. I realized that being real and vulnerable with the people you are leading pays off, having it all together is more of a lie then it would ever be a blessing to those that you lead. I saw the extent that God wants to use me and the big things that He chooses to do with my life and my words. I realized that I can do nothing in it of my own strength, but God sure can do crazy things through me. I realized that life is meaningless if you are not loving those around you, and loving them well. I have overcome more fears then I can count on my fingers. I have experienced more hurt then I have in a long while. But I have experienced more joy and had more breakthroughs then I could ever list. I have learned the meaning of grace, given it out a lot, and been blow away by God's sovereignty amidst that. I have been broken but I have been mended well and all the more beautifully. I have seen how God changes things, redeems things, and heals things that are only in His power to do.
The group of people that lead alongside me the past year have blown my mind and enriched my heart in a multitude of ways. They have filled me up when I was running on empty, they have taken my burdens as their own, and they have loved me so well. I gained five girls that I know are there for me from here on and a handful of incredibly influential men of God that continue to bless my life, and will much past sharing the same leadership title. They have shown me how twelve incredibly diverse individuals can come together for one common purpose, to pour into people that in turn show the entire freshmen class at this university who Jesus is. They have taught me how no one leadership style is supreme, there is power in leading in different ways. They have shown me Christ and they have encouraged the living daylights out of me.
 |
| 2012 Staff and Alpha Coordinators |
 |
| So blessed by this group of eleven people. |
The weirdest realization.
As much as I feel today marks the technical end of a constant throughout my life since I entered college, I cannot for one second lack any amount of thankfulness for where I am at in my life. I was blessed by a program that gave me some of my best friends, that gave me some of the most influential leaders I will ever have in my life, that allowed me to experience God in beautiful ways, that allowed me to learn to believe in myself in ways I never did before. As much as I can think all day long that this is the end of a peak in my life, I know that God has many more peaks to come, He is using this merely to prepare me all the more. Thank you Jesus for so many blessings, for endless love and for choosing to use me, even in all of my brokenness. You are good and you are so faithful.
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