A LESSON FROM THE WILDERNESS

"I will take care of you."

Six words that have been absolutely rocking my world these past two weeks.

In the midst of my questions, over-analyzing, and attempt to lay out my (even immediate) future and goals, God slammed me with this one. I use the term 'slammed' because it wasn't a passive, soothing voice that comforted me with these words, it was the voice of my Jesus, Yahweh, the King of Kings that holds the Universe and everything in it in the palm of His very hands. It was the voice of a protector. It was the voice of a very big God, the God that claims to be "I am," the God that isn't constrained to dimensions and proves to be limitless. It was the voice of a Father that speaks truth with love and would rather take a bullet then allow me to take one (as a matter of a fact, my God already took thorns.) It was the voice of a God that invites tax-collectors to their house for dinner and looks out for the underdogs. It was the voice of a God that has never made promises He cannot keep, so I trust He will keep this one.

He gives, He takes away. He has all the power in the world and can use it as He desires. Yet every single day He uses it to take care of His children. In ways that make sense to us, and in ways that don't.

He takes care of me. 

Little, undeserving, me.

"I will take care of you." It was a bold promise and a huge claim that no one on this Earth can provide as He can. These words shook my life and have been the heart of my thoughts every single day since I heard them. It has been instilling a heart of trust and reverence in ways that I haven't experienced before, my heart is growing even more intimately connected to the Lord's as I live in the truths that God's got my back.

These words gave me comfort beyond what I could write as I spent 48 hours in the wilderness by myself a few weeks ago, during a portion of the backpacking trip I did called 'solo'. The dreaded sleeping-two-nights-in-the-darkness-of-God's-creation-by-yourself was for me masked with incredible comfort, peace, and joy because of the words that God told me that day. I was reminded that indeed, yes, God always does come through. He is faithful. Faithful to comfort us when we need it. Faithful to remind us of truths when we forget them. Faithful to pick us up when we often knock ourselves down. He gives us what we need. In ways that we think we need, and in ways that only He can come up with. It blows my mind.

As fears try and trap areas of my life, as fears grip me or enslave me, this claim frees me. No matter where I am, He is there. No matter what I do with my life, I am not too far from God's grasp and as I am trying to discern and follow God's leading for my life I can trust that I will remain in it. No matter this or that, He is still God and I am still His. I never want to forget or grow to be unphased by that. I am His. I am God's daughter.

There is more power and worth in that statement then I can even grasp or comprehend.

A TIGHT GRIP + UNOBTAINABLE FREEDOM

Holding too tightly.

The common theme between every single person woven into the story of the Bible is that no one did that. They may have had ordinary jobs, they may have dropped everything in a second to follow Jesus or it may have taken a while, but the only thing that holds to be true is that, in the Bible, following Jesus was not synonymous with clinging to your life. Actually, those two roads should never diverge at all. No one clung, we are told not to cling, no one held on, we are told to trust, no one was fearful of letting go, we fear like it's going out of style.

Whether that be of jobs or your ideal plan in life, whether that be of the future or of the present, whether that be in relationships or friendships... they didn't cling to any of that.

Why do I find that I so often cling on? And when I ask questions around, seek others hearts, pursue answers and perspective from others, I find that everyone around me is just clinging on too.

Relationships that last longer then they should, that may even lead to the alter, because someone is fearful of letting go of something because it screws up their life plan, it may hurt someone, it may make them look bad. Friendships that people try and sustain forever, even when it is producing no fruit, dragging down life instead of building them up. Even when something should end, people try and make it work just because they are fearful. Jobs that people stay in because it had a good wage, it's comfortable and pleases those around them, even though it's not where their heart is at, those people stick around because they just can't let go of their tight grip. People cling onto their list of qualities in a spouse so tightly that even when a guy that's perfect for them comes along, they are too busy thinking of some unobtainable list instead of whats real.

We are too busy clinging on, trying to make a life for ourselves, instead of letting God make a life for us. We are too busy filling our hands with stuff, gripping our hands to fleeting, invisible things, that we never have them available to what God has.

Our hands are clung to something else. Our hearts are fearful, discontent, lacking trust in every way.  And we wonder why often, freedom is the hardest thing to grasp.

Freedom is resting in the peace of mind that when you need to follow God and let go, you can do it. When you need to follow God and drop a job, you can do it. When God says no, you can trust that He is really just saying yes to something far greater (sounds cliche, but it's true, I promise.) When a friendship ends, you are given room to invest in others that you mutually need in that season.

The minute my life is enveloped in fear of change and letting go, fear of displeasing someone because I am following God, fear of this or that... is the minute I lose the ability to have freedom in Christ.

Christ set an example for us that we can be content not having worldly things, we can be content in following God's yes' and no's. We can be content with HIM. Knowing that He's got us.

Freedom is right on the other side of clinging on with the tightest grip to anything and everything we fear losing or changing or giving up. Freedom is right around that corner.

THIRTY YEARS

Today I got coffee with a friend and had perhaps the most needed and eye-opening conversation possible. It was actually astonishing how relevant and powerful talking with her was. I went home and took notes (for real). It was like hearing direct words from Jesus, her voice was simply the vessel. Wow, thank you LORD.

We talked about the constant struggle to be present and live in the now (the now surely seems mundane and repetitive sometimes). We discussed how confusing it is and frustrating it is to keep waiting and seeking a big moment, when you are living in the midst of little moments that end up being missed as a result. We talked about how we have this skewed perception that God's Will and His Plans are at Point B and we are still at Point A waiting to get through the in-between to finally get there. We miss (or forget or don't realize) that God's Will is in us, and among us, and around us and it doesn't take getting to another season or point in life to reach that. God has that for me now. Woah.

She then mentioned the fact that Jesus didn't start his ministry until he was 30.

Then it all clicked. I truly feel like in that moment, everything in my life made sense. A burden had been lifted and I felt like the sea lacking clarity and purpose in my life had been parted (or even vanished for that matter).

Jesus spent the years of His life that aren't mentioned in the Bible doing the same mundane, repetitive things that we do sometimes. He spent those years honoring his parents, probably having play dates as a kid, sleeping, eating, getting educated, pursuing a job, working, building relationships, traveling, and going to church.

Jesus spent thirty years getting to live out life and endure hardships (ex: His dad's passing) in order to know where humans are coming from. He walked the walk before He began to talk the talk I suppose.

He may have seen some crazy miracles, but He also may not have. He may have changed a million lives, but at that point maybe He hadn't gotten even close to yet. It took thirty freaking years though. Thirty years of Jesus being patient. Thirty years of Jesus learning. Thirty years of Jesus loving those around Him. Thirty years of Him becoming even more intimate with God the Father perhaps. Thirty years of Him learning the problems humans face.

Every single one of those years had a purpose that brought Him to where He needed to be.

Jesus then, kinda looks like me right now. Going through the repetitive, mundane, enduring the small things and waiting for God to hand you the big thing you are yearning for. Jesus waited though. He lived in the now, was blessed by the now and needed all those years to prepare Him for where God was going to bring Him.

Every single day and seasons and year has incredible purpose. Even if we don't see it.

If you don't feel like you are being used as much as you think you should be, rest assure, Jesus maybe didn't feel like that either in those years. But know one thing, God's got you. He's got you. And instead of viewing it as useless seasons of waiting or preparing, view it as purposeful seasons of serving in the ordinary things and making the Kingdom known in the day-to-day. Who says that isn't just as powerful as loving orphans in Africa? Make the Kingdom known in the lives of people who have lost a grip on that because of life's many distractions and love without ceasing in this world where love like that is hard to come by.

"It was because Jesus faithfully performed the smallest duties that the greatest task in all the world was given him."

THE WAITING GAME

I was reading in Genesis the other day, the story that I have read seemingly over and over again. Noah and the Ark. I know the story, I know the characters, and I seem to have a pretty good mental picture of the event and how massive and overwhelming it must have been. However, in the typical fashion of God, He opened my eyes to something new.

The wait.

I read Genesis 7:10 then 7:12, then I got to verse 24, then Genesis 8:4 then verse 6 then verse 10 then verse 13 then verse 14... and then I sat back and shook my head. Thoughts flooded my brain. The repetition was obvious, and the repetition was never obvious to me before. Over and over and over again (as you can see) the writer tells of how many days this event took. The days kept piling on top of eachother, the days got longer and longer. The rain took forever, the flood seemed neverending, and the wait after the flood took even more time. I felt impatient just reading about it.

If I can tell you anything I know undoubtably about Noah... it is that he is one patient fella.

I thought through what Noah must have been thinking those 40 days and nights as the whole world became flooded... did his faith waiver? Or was he sure that God was going to come through exactly as He said He would? For as scary of a sight as that flood must have been, I can only imagine how difficult it would have been to cling to what God said and trust that his family and himself would be safe.

As I read the story with new eyes, eyes that were not swayed by reading this story in the past, I realized that in the moments of the story that it seems like the rain is ending, or the flood is receeding, it is often a false alarm. And then there are more days and more waiting. There is constant waiting. In the beginning I thought the storm and flood were the worst of it, but there was so much waiting to come that would put all that to shame.

In the end, as much as I can tell, it took 10 1/2 months to see God's plan come to be. And it wasn't just 10 1/2 months of waiting for a job, waiting for a spouse, etc. It was 10 1/2 months of waiting to be on dry land and not chilling in a boat while its a frenzy of chaos outside where no one survives but you. If any situation is trying to your patience and pushes your own understanding far out the window, I would think it would be that one.

I realized that in some ways, nothing shows ones faith like waiting. Not waiting anxiously, waiting with hesitation, waiting because of fear, or waiting because you are forced to... but willingly and joyfully waiting because God leads you or tells you to wait. Listening to God is the start of it all. If we don't listen and we aren't willing to wait and be obedient... then where is our faith at anyway?

THE CONCEPT OF WAITING

“Come, all you who are thirsty, come to the waters;
and you who have no money, come, buy and eat!
Come, buy wine and milk without money and without cost.
Why spend money on what is not bread, 
and your labor on what does not satisfy?
Listen, listen to me, and eat what is good,
and you will delight in the richest of fare.
Give ear and come to me; listen, that you may live.
I will make an everlasting covenant with you,
my faithful love promised to David.
See, I have made him a witness to the peoples,
a ruler and commander of the peoples.
Surely you will summon nations you know not,
and nations you do not know will come running to you,
because of the Lord your God, the Holy One of Israel,
for he has endowed you with splendor.”

Seek the Lord while he may be found; call on him while he is near.
Let the wicked forsake their ways and the unrighteous their thoughts.
Let them turn to the Lord, and he will have mercy on them,
and to our God, for he will freely pardon.

“For my thoughts are not your thoughts, 
neither are your ways my ways,” 
declares the Lord.
“As the heavens are higher than the earth,
so are my ways higher than your ways
and my thoughts than your thoughts.
As the rain and the snow come down from heaven,
and do not return to it without watering the earth
and making it bud and flourish,
so that it yields seed for the sower and bread for the eater,
so is my word that goes out from my mouth:
It will not return to me empty,
but will accomplish what I desire
and achieve the purpose for which I sent it.
You will go out in joy and be led forth in peace;
the mountains and hills will burst into song before you,
and all the trees of the field will clap their hands.
Instead of the thornbush will grow the juniper,
and instead of briers the myrtle will grow.
This will be for the Lord’s renown, 
for an everlasting sign, that will endure forever.”

Invitation to the Thirsty
Isaiah 55

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Waiting is a rough concept. It is rough because sometimes you may not even know what you are waiting for. Sometimes you hope you are waiting for one thing, and God gives you something totally different. Waiting is weird for me because it implies being static, unmoving, it implies a lack of growth and productivity. It implies waiting for a moment to come and make things happen, instead of creating that moment yourself. I like to know. And waiting throws knowing out the door.

I was reading out of Psalm tonight and trying to keep my ears open to what God wants to show me. I landed in His presence and was so comforted by knowing He hears me and He loves me. I needed that. So I closed my Bible and was about to go to sleep when this Scripture hit me like a ton of bricks. And Lord knows, I know better then to just throw that nudge aside and go to bed. So I looked up the Scripture He spoke to me and it came out of Isaiah, the verse was: "As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts." Lets just say this night turned into something I didn't know I needed (typical God, typical). I thought I needed to just feel heard and loved by Jesus, but I really needed to hear that being patient and waiting on God's plans and not my own, is worth it. I need to know that I am taken care of beyond my own understanding. I needed a reminder that I don't need to have it all figured out and whatever happens in the end, as long as I seek Him, will be what it will be. And it will be worth it. And it will be good.

The verse in this chapter "It will not return to me empty, but will accomplish what I desire and achieve the purpose for which I sent it," likewise blew my mind. When we are followers of Christ, what He wants to happen, happens. Boom. How obvious is that but how often do we question that? God is GOD. The universe is under His command and is under His disposal. The beauty in this is we can rest assure that we are not waiting in vain, and there is beauty and purpose in waiting on God, His timing, His plans, His purpose. It WILL be made known and it will achieve the purpose He intends, He tells us that.

COMFORT, POWER + OTHER LIES

We like to wish that we had a choice. We like to wish that the universe is at our dispense, in the palm of our hands instead of our creators. We like to plan and schedule and build up this calendar and eventually, this life that revolves around a to-do list and plans that typically change. We like to know what is going to happen next. We like to be in control and shiver when we lack it. In short, we like to play God. Even if we aren't admitting it, we are surely doing it.

We do everything in our power to not admit this though. Especially as Christians. We proclaim "God is in control" and "everything happens for a reason" but I look around and rarely think people truly believe that... at least no one's living it.

I am realizing day by day in a school consisting of people proclaiming to be Christians that we live in a box of comfort and are often engulfed in walls we ourselves create. We don't let people in, we want what we want, and usually that is an easy, comfortable life. We don't like to trust, we don't like to put things in other people's hands.

The thing about Jesus though that boggles my mind and still stuns me, is He never did that. He put His trust in those that He knew would break it. He loved those that did not love Him back. And as much as that is said a million times, I think the second that sets into our little human minds, it would astonish us and draw us to our knees. He LOVED sacrificially and endlessly those that did not love him either of those ways. He gave what He knew He would not receive. He put himself out there, when He knew He would gain nothing in return. He did it because if He didn't, what view would we have of how God loves us? The worst, skewed perspective.

The thing is though: He did not do this without reason or purpose. He did this so we could do the same.

We are called to put our choices aside to some extent, to put the things we clench in the hands of God who created them in the first place, to rip up our lives plans and let God mold and shape them, and to let go of the constant fear of letting someone be in control other then ourselves.

The longer we are trying to be in control, the more we will be controlled by this world and not the goodness and truth of the Gospel.


And we know that all things work together for the good of those who love Him and are called according to His purpose. Romans 8:28