ADVICE TO A FRESHMAN THAT I SHOULD REALLY TAKE MYSELF

The title says it all.

My senior year of college I find myself sitting in my favorite spot on campus on a Tuesday evening, drinking a hot cup of Starbucks chai tea giving perspective, advice and any wisdom and discernment I can muster up, for a freshmen I was blessed with the opportunity to mentor. The fact that I get to do that weekly blows my mind and humbles me to an extent that I could never fully express in words.

Anywho, mid-way through many conversations as my head was spinning and my thoughts were churning, I realized the irony in it all. I am a mere four years older then this beautiful woman of God and yet it seems the same things that I advise her to seek and live out, I myself am having trouble doing the same in. My heart felt weirdly conflicted as the things I felt led to reassure her in and remind her of, were things I don't often remind myself of. Or I don't often believe.

While it was honestly just frustrating in the beginning, it was surprisingly liberating once I processed it all a bit. The beauty in sharing thoughts that you could use yourself is that you see the reality of what changes need to be made in your life. What things you need to work on or pray through in order to truly practice what you preach. Even to see truths that you rarely lived our before because you rarely realized you lacked. From giving advice and then flipping the script on myself I was able to see how I need to do something about it.

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Don't compare friendships. They don't deserve it and neither do you. A one year friendship won't look like a ten year friendship, and that's okay. There is beauty in both of them. Stop trying to force-feed deep relationships, they'll happen. There's something to be said for a friendship that's lasted 8 years, grown through grief and joys and trials and big life decisions. There is also something to be said for friendships that are instantaneously strong and make you feel like you've known the other person forever (when in reality, it's only been a year).

Know what you deserve. Period. Point blank. Not only with men, but in life, in careers, in friendships, in roommates. I can't count on my fingers the number of times in the past that I charged $20 for a design project that most any designer on planet Earth would have charged five times the price for. Also, I can't count the number of times I lacked the bravery to stand up for myself when I should have. Grace does not necessarily equate with getting walked all over.

Speak up. The tongue has the power of life and death, and sometimes it brings life to you to speak things in to existence or to bring up something thats hard on your heart, it's not always just for the other person. In that stems one of the hardest truths that I wrestle with and just blatently suck at living out: confrontation is necessary sometimes. And it doesn't have to look messy or mean and it doesn't always have to be hurtful. Speaking the truth in love is Biblical, and it's something I'm trying to live out lately for sure.

Say yes. But learn how to say no too. You are not racking up God's favor or earning God's love by doing a bunch of things. Just because you are busier or your calender is more full than everyone else's around you, doesn't mean you are somehow pleasing God more. And this is coming from a chick that knows how to lay on the commitments. Commitments amount to so little if you have no time to put into them. Choose what you say yes to wisely.

Learn what's soul care for you. And do it often. This year, soul care meant reading every night before I went to bed, cooking fancy dinners for myself, and watching movies. Next year, I'm striving to try new coffee shops, design for myself for fun (instead of always just designing for clients), and to take morning gym classes to start the day off right. Whether it's bubble baths or art projects or going to shows or museums or writing poetry or spending quality time with friends- do it. It's not selfish. And it's too often forgotten under the pile of 'things to do.' 

Give yourself space to not know. We are foolish if we think we are human robots that have to have all the answers. You don't have to have a life plan always. You don't have to be a human encyclopedia. You don't have to have a well-rehearsed answer when people ask you questions about who you are or what you want to do next in life. You aren't God, aka chill. Enjoy life a little.

AN ODE TO MY SISTERS

Those girls.

Those girls that know you better than you know yourself. 

Those girls that you can be brutally honest with. 

Those girls that joke about bringing a rifle to your wedding 

just encase you change your mind about the guy your marrying. 

Those girls that have your back, no matter what, no questions asked. 

Those girls that usually take your side but always give you discernment and wisdom, 

whether or not its what you want to hear.

Those girls that you laugh the hardest with 

and want to hug closest when you need a good cry. 

Those girls that know what you are thinking even when you don't say a single word.

Those girls that know every fault in you and love you more because of them. 

Those girls that's future children will call you an auntie. 

Those girls that will make fools of themselves with you.

Those girls that you actually know undoubtedly will be with you until you the day you die.

Those girls that you bicker with and butt heads with, 

only because they are more like sisters than they are like friends.

Those girls that you have gone through the roughest of times with, 

those girls that you have hit rock bottom with, weeped on your knees alongside 

and prayed your hardest with and for.

Those girls that you have stood next to on their wedding days, 

that you have celebrated with at graduations and birthdays, 

those girls that you go on errands and spontaneous vacations with, 

those girls that you have rejoiced with and cried tears of joy with. 

Those girls that make fun of you and tell you when you have food in your teeth.

Those girls that call you when they are by themselves and they're scared of a creepy man nearby.

Those girls that cry when you cry and that bear any burden with you.

Those girls that call you to go get a food their craving and bring you soup when you're sick.

Those girls that will drop anything to be there for you when you need them.

Those girls that just get you, in ways that no one else does.

Those girls that love you well, love you so well that you wonder what you ever did to deserve them.

If there is anything I know about life, it's to keep those girls close. Keep them with you. Call them even when you are overwhelmed with your commitments, your schoolwork, your jobs. Call them even when marriage becomes your priority, call them when life is easy and be the first to call them when life is really hard. Text them Scripture when they need it, pray for them even when they don't ask for it, and tell them you love them often. Thank them often. Thank Jesus often.

One of the best parts about singleness is realizing how important friendship is. One of the best parts about home are these three faces. One of the best parts about life is I have the greatest best friends known to mankind.

I am so thankful.

BOLD CONVERSATIONS

Freedom.

Freedom in living in the present moment instead of rehearsing and contemplating moments that may happen, you wish would happen, and probably will never even happen at all. Freedom in not having answers, in accepting grace, and in giving grace out whether or not it makes sense to you. Freedom in being unchained, in living without titles or positions stamped on your forehead, in finding your worth in who God says you are and not in who the world tells you you should be, and in accepting God's peace instead of obliviously rejecting it. Freedom in boldly declaring who Jesus is.

This is what I am learning.

Today my best friend got married. And to say that God was present and moving and working would be the understatement of the century. God was BLOWING MY MIND. It was the most freeing day of realizing that God is always faithful. Always. He hears us, He doesn't disregard us or plug His ears for the prayers we plead to Him. And He answers us. In tangible, real ways. In ways that even people that don't follow Him can't turn away from. Jesus can and will make Himself known, and He did today. GOD IS GOOD.

While the stream of little answered prayers was long and powerful, one of them stood out to me the most. Praying over our beautiful best friend as she was about to walk down the isle, just to have the makeup artist walk in, overhear the prayer, and share with me a bit later the crazy impact it had on her and how it was the final indication that she needs Jesus in her life. I cannot even explain in words the incredible intentionality of the Lord and His perfect timing. He uses us. HOW LUCKY ARE WE? Daing.

If there is anything we can have unfathomable freedom in, it is that Jesus uses us as long as we are willing. And the Gospel changes lives, whether we are talking about it in a nail salon, praying over a friend before her wedding day, or whatever it may be. Just speaking the name of Jesus changes things. The boldness and freedom to fearlessly declare who Jesus is CAN and will transform lives.

THE OLD + THE NEW

My summer thus far has been filled with late night Bible studies, solo worship seshes, and diy projects when my creative brain is being stirred at 1am. It has consisted of Illustrator, InDesign and Photoshop constantly being opened on my computer because the design opportunities are being thrown at me (and I am able to say yes to them all). It has been filled with my friends becoming fiance's and my best friend becoming a bride, it has been enriched by nights with my parents eating popcorn and ice cream and watching old movies in the living room of the only childhood home I've ever had. I have made the garage into my favorite spot, spray painting thrifted items and staining things until my hearts content. My room has been a mess consistently because I have favored spontaneous outings with my friends and art over cleanliness (and its a beautiful thing).

My room and many other rooms in my house are invaded by boxes ready for August to hit so they can be opened and moved back into my normal life and routine and home an hour away, at school. But for now, my life here seems purposeful, restful, and beautiful.

This summer has marked the first time, excluding school breaks, that I have been at home long-term since high school. (And we all know how much change goes on during three years of college... a whole freaking truck load of it.) Going into my senior year of college, it seems intentional that this would be the last time I get to truly embrace home before I graduate and begin life physically apart from all that represents my childhood. It has been a soul-searching few weeks. Full of figuring out my callings in life, enjoying my giftings in life, and appreciating all that I have in this home, in this town, and with the people who have known me forever.

As much as there is beauty in the new; there is beauty in new friendships, in change, in new homes and new experiences. I think often, I find myself favoring it over the old. And I am beginning to realize that makes no sense.

There is immense purpose and beauty in the old. In friendships that have endured for more years then you can count on your fingers at once, in the little bedroom that has always been yours as long as you have lived, there is beauty in the neighbors that have seen you go from a child to an adult, there is beauty in spending time on the street you learned to ride a bike on, there is beauty in Sunday mornings at church in the place you were baptized at over five years ago. There is beauty in reuniting with mentors that you haven't seen for ages that dramatically influenced your walk with God, there is beauty in running errands with old friends that can equally embrace silence as they can embrace words.

Sometimes, in some ways, it is easier to throw off your past and embrace all that is good and new that comes into your life. I know that attempt and pursuit well. Strategically avoiding people I used to know at the gym and hiding from old classmates in Target, I know it well, trust me. I like my life, as it is, a new clean-slate without the baggage of rebellious years.

But if we throw off our past and forget the purpose that God wove into it so intentionally, then we leave out a big chunk of the puzzle that God intended for.

Sure, old friendships come with more junk, with more hurt and more struggles but they also come with endurance, they come with a deep understanding of each other that only time can bring you, they come with a solid foundation, they come with a sisterhood and mutual understanding that can't be formed overnight.

Sure, old stomping grounds come with painful memories, they come with old emotions that may come back to haunt you, they come with junk. But they also come with an extraordinary amount of overcoming, they come with joy and happy memories, they come with purpose because you had to go through stuff to get you to where you are at today.

The new will eventually be old, and you can't just throw off everything vintage and rusty and antique in your life because you don't want to deal with it. You can't forget the beauty that comes with the old. Hold onto it. Remember how God used it all for His purpose.

Remember how you needed that to get you to this.