Dear sophomore-in-high-school, unsure-of-herself, stuck-in-her-hometown Megan,
You are newly baptized and head over heels in love with the Lord. You chose Him and you left your worldly life behind you at last. Five years later (and for the rest of your life) you will never forget that decision. It has been the best one yet.
News to you, your high school experience is about to change entirely. You actually won't graduate in a class of hundreds of people. You will spend the next two years at a high school that will break you down and build you up with things that will prepare you for what is to come in ways that you can't even imagine. You will know what it feels like to be judged and (briefly) hated for your faith, but you will be better because of it. You will find out what you believe, what your passionate about, and you will push yourself academically in ways that you may never experience again. You will become like family with the 58 people that surround you. Your teachers will become friends and you will truly miss those days once they are over. The people around you will change your life and you will never forget them. Oh, and college academic life will never be as difficult as you're about to endure for those two years. So have confidence and hope in that, your getting through the hardest of it.
You probably wouldn't believe it if I told you now but you will spend a summer in New York pursuing your dream, everything you ever wanted. You will attend the university of your dreams and take classes for interior design, exactly what you dreamed of for college your entire life. You will ball your eyes out on your apartment floor because of how sleep deprived you'll be and how intense the assignments are, but you will also have countless spontaneous adventures in the city that you'll remember forever. Like that one time you end up getting your nose pierced at a sketchy place, and your parents will never let you hear the end of it. You will live out the motto YOLO even though it isn't invented yet. NYC will feel more like home then a tourist location, who knew? But in the end, you will give that dream up. It will break you. But God has something better in store, that I assure you of.
You will end up in the one place you swore you would never go, a Christian University. You always laughed at those. Also, the location will pale in comparison to NYC. God has a funny way of working things out. Right now, you are so used to being amidst the world that being in a Christian bubble seems laughable to you, but you'll shake your head and giggle later about it. You will feel more at home in that place then you've ever felt. You will learn the meaning of Christian community, you will meet friends that transform your life, you will take classes that challenge you, you will have a whole slew of priceless roommates, you will grow and mature, you will find you, and you will never look back on the plans you once made for yourself and want to change a single thing.
Remember how you spent Spring Break in Mexico once? Remember how your parents almost refused to let you go? Remember how you barely knew God then? Remember how people that went with you were confused by your cussing, your demeanor, and your motives? Remember how you went selfishly to 'do good'? In four years time you'll spend two months in Africa. Your parents will nearly not let you go (but they come around, don't worry). You will know God then, you will serve with different motives, a different heart, and different intentions. You will go selflessly to 'do good' for the Kingdom. You will bring the church choir to a community of people with leprosy, you will love on the sweetest little girl named Jesca that will teach you love as you've never known it, you will teach kids English at a school there, you will ride a camel, you will see the most beautiful view you've ever seen (and probably ever will), and you will play Swahili hand games for days on end. This trip will wreck you and show you the meaning of life in ways that you could only dream of seeing now.
You will become a leader in ways that right now you haven't the slightest clue of. People will entrust big things with you, you will carry others burdens, you will be challenged, you will be used in unbelievable ways, and you will learn to trust God and lean on Him daily because of it. The biggest change in your life is it will become less about a career and this whole mapped out life plan, and more about loving people well. Your desires out of life will change in the most perfect and necessary way.
You will finally live your dream of working at a summer camp as a camp counselor. However, I doubt you ever thought you'd end up in Texas for 10 weeks to do just that. You will hear stories that will break you down and realize what true empathy for other people looks and feels like. You will love on girls for weeks with nothing else on your "to do list." You will rely on Jesus for everything. You will conquer fears, do things you never thought you would, you will shock yourself, and you will learn from people so different then yourself. Oh, also, who knew in five years you would become a certified lifeguard. Well done, girl who can barely do the butterfly.
There will be a day when you are content and secure in your body, with your brain, and with your heart. You will be thankful to be walking in your own shoes, you will cherish you life, and you will believe in yourself at last. The day will come, I promise.
There will also be a day where you allow yourself to fall for a guy. The thing you always dreamed of in theory you will finally be granted after years of trying to be patient for it. But if I could tell you anything it would be to stop waiting for that day because when it gets there, it will eventually just pass right by you. You will be left wrecked and hurt in a way that you never imagined you would be or have ever felt before, but out of it will come something beautiful. You are going to cherish singleness and believe every bit of the Bible that speaks of the blessings that come with it. You will get the thing you thought you always dreamed of, but then realize you already have so much in Jesus alone. You will finally, truly and entirely be grateful for it to be just you and Him.
You will still be best friends with the girls at your youth group that surround you. They will be your rock when life is hard, they will still be the first people you call in five years from now, they will know you better then anyone else because they have lived life consistently alongside you, they will be like sisters to you. You will never find friendships the same as theirs.
You will still be stubborn at times but God will work in your heart to allow you to love people better then you've ever been able to. You will view yourself as loving in time, I promise. And other people will too.
You will pursue graphic design, which surely doesn't seem even imaginable to you right now. You will never have a growth spurt... you'll still be 5'0" but you will still love every second of it. You will become best friends with your parents, they will become a source of consistency, love, support, and belief in you that you cannot even imagine right now. One day you will truly appreciate all that they have been for you, right now you are just blinded to see that.
You will be rocked by Jesus. He will work in your life in ways that you want so badly right now. He will answer big prayers, change your heart in huge ways, and be so near to you daily. Jesus will be your all in all, your everything. Your whole life will revolve around Him, and it will be beautiful and you'll never regret it for a single second. His workings in your life will be undeniable.
You won't recognize yourself in five years, but in the best possible way imaginable. Your life will be a beautiful adventure with people in it that put the movies to shame. Your life will be everything you ever wanted, just packaged a lot different then you expect.
Sincerely, twenty-year-old, moved-out and moved-on, Megan.
