An affirmation to say every day:
The healing power of God is working in my right now.
Every day I get better and better in every way.
-Joyce Meyer
Five days of rest at home is the best thing for my soul that could have ever been given to me. I know that in every way possible it was from the Lord. He knew I needed it. I literally came back to school a new person, actually an old person, the 'me' I used to be a few months ago after I got back from an incredible summer of ministry at a summer camp. I was as close and intimate with the Lord as I have ever been because I relied on Him daily, for all of my strength and encouragement and substance. He was it for me. He was all I needed and He came through every single day. After the first week of summer camp being some of the roughest moments of my life, Jesus plucked me out of the desert and put me on the quickest incline... I was back to being close with Jesus again in no time.
I should have known God would do it again. Over and over again. The desert season will end and thankfully, there will be beauty in the desert that will indeed be revealed in time.
After summer camp, I came home and fell into the routine of life, had a few close encounters with the Lord, but feeling God's presence wasn't constant like I know it can and should be. For around four months it was a trying period, it felt like I was walking in a desert and couldn't find the water. I couldn't have what I needed, and that was all of Jesus not just a sampler plate of what He 'offers' us.
Jesus should be my portion, He is exactly what I need to sustain me. But the problem was, I was so distracted and consumed with trying to fulfill a to-do list, with trying to give grace to people without getting anything in return, with trying to be Jesus without allowing Jesus to work through me. I wasn't allowing Jesus to be my portion, but instead I was filling my life with a bunch of junk instead of filling myself with the real, sustaining, pure thing. I realized how essential it is that we allow Jesus to work through us, if we try and do it on our own it is the most draining, tiring thing on the planet.
Today, the reality is, I should have been stressed. I should have. But by the grace of Jesus, not even the slightest amount of stress filled my body or my soul. Today I was at peace, things rolled off my shoulders and didn't phase me, life was beautiful, the world made me smile, and Jesus was my constant companion. Jesus didn't feel like daddy today though, He didn't feel like some 'husband' or friend or homeboy. Jesus was KING, He was GOD. I feel blessed and undeserving to merely live out His Word on this Earth. I am a servant to the greatest servant that ever lived.
Life was handed to me as a gift, I am starting to actually, really and truly view it as one. Gifts don't stress you out, they bless you and fill you up and are the very thing you want and hopefully, need.
The good news is, I am out of the rut I was stuck in. I am on a beautiful incline, filled with hope and truth and a lot of Scripture to remind me that where I am at is good, but also temporary. I am relying on Jesus to bring me back to the place I know. The place of downright pure joy and fervor for life. I'm getting there. I feel it. (But when I get back to the desert, at least I'll know that is temporary too.)
The desert is a necessity, it is only through the struggles that you can know how good joy is and how good it is when you finally have it in your hands again.
The more obstacles you have, the more opportunities there are for God to do something.
-Clarence W. Jones
