In the midst of my friends engagement today, my best friend getting married, and relationships and marriage surrounding me seemingly everywhere, I have had profound peace and joy and excitement about this season in my life. Like, a peace and excitement that only comes from the Lord, because Lord knows at times I am so antsy for Him to bring me the man of God He has for me.
This season I used to see as being interim.
As being the in-between period between a season of being in a leadership position that rocked my world, blessed me beyond words, and changed my life completely and a season to come of God knows what. I saw this season as purposeless before I entered into it. I was confused as to why God would want me to have purely school for a semester, interning all the time, design jobs like crazy, and homework up the ying-yang. But God is good. And sovereign. And His purpose is there even when I don't see it. There is purpose in this season. There is purpose in the homework, in the long hours, in the eye pain from staring at a computer screen for so long... it all has a purpose.
No matter if it seems like most people are able to see a bigger picture of getting married (and who they are getting married to) and having children- there is purpose in me not seeing that right now.
There is a reason why I am single. There is a reason why I don't have my whole life planned out (actually I have none of it planned out, not even next semester). There is a reason that my summer plans are up in the air. There is a reason that I know no reasons for things that happened and things still to come. Whether its to trust God, whether its to feel freedom that you can't feel when plans consume your life, whatever the reason is, I trust that God has one.
I used to focus so much on all the lives around me that are experiencing things I don't have and instead, I have learned to focus my attention on my own life. All the blessings. All the goodness. All the reasons I am where I am and not where other people are. I realized I can't base this 'timeline' of my life off of other peoples timelines. That's unrealistic and strange, quite frankly.
I can't base my happiness on what other people have that I am lacking.
It sounds obvious, but I sometimes I think maybe its not so obvious.
In the church marriage is thrown around like it's no big deal. Like.... what? I guess I don't understand when I think about it. But somewhere in the midst of it I have begun to believe that getting engaged and married not long after you exit teenage-hood is normal. If I am 30 and single, life will go on and life will still be so good and I will remain so, so thankful. I can't get caught up in what's all around me and forget that I am where I need to be right now.
Singleness has a lot of good things to it. A LOT. I forget it sometimes. I want what other people have. But also, if I had what other people had, in many senses, I think I would want to be where I am at right now. I might be jealous of the life I have right now. Truly. I am seeing all the blessings and throwing away all the junk that shouldn't hold as much power as it sometimes does. And it feels good.
I know that I am right in the palm of God's hands and I am experiencing God in beautiful ways every single day, why would I want someone else's life when my life is so full and so joy-filled?
In this season I never expected to learn and see all I have so far. I have learned what its like to trust in God and trust that freedom is real and possible. I have learned what wholeness and mending feels like, and that it takes time and doesn't mean I lack cracks and imperfections altogether. I have realized that pushing aside my passions and giftings does nothing for me, there is a reason God hands us talents and the reason is to use them. This is maybe just a season of using them and building my confidence as an artist and trusting there is purpose in that. I have learned that I am good enough for Jesus, that lesson seems to be a reoccurring theme and reminded in my life. I have learned more about singleness from being in a crappy relationship then I ever learned from actually being single, and that's a disguised blessing in so many ways. I have learned and grown and been creatively stimulated daily in this season that I once thought was an awkward in-between. What I once thought would lack purpose, is filled with purpose at every angle and to every end. There is power in me being here, while it seems the rest of the world around me is somewhere else. I need to be here. And here feels pretty good.
No matter what everyone else thinks about it or no matter where everyone else is, God's given me some good reminders that there is purpose always.
There is a purpose.
There is a purpose.
There is a purpose.
