The fact of the matter is, the world is not ending tomorrow. At least, I don't believe so and I urge my mom to stop watching crazy doomsday shows and entertaining the idea in the slightest. However, all the hype about it got me thinking... what if my life really did end sometime soon? What if today or tomorrow or the next day was my final day on Earth? What would I be known for, what would I have accomplished, what would my life stand for when it all comes down to it?
It made me question whether or not I am making the most of my life. I know that is a huge loaded question, but really. Seriously. Am I living the life I want to be remembered by? If I were to write down the qualities and characteristics that I wanted people to know about me by the time my life ended on this earth, would they actually be said of me today, right in this moment?
Lets be real. It makes me nervous when I try and search my own heart for what screams like a loudspeaker out of my life. What speaks loud, what sins envelop my life, what passions define me, what drives me, what gives me worth and meaning, what fills up my time? Is my life really about the things that I want them to be about? Woah. Talk about a life that needs some times to be changed, nothing is put into perspective until those questions literally circle my mind.
I used to always hear the statement that the things that define you are the things that you spend your time doing, the things you spend your time thinking about, and the things you spend your money on. In that case, my life is not what I want it to be about on all three accounts. Truth be told, I am not living the life I want to be living and the only thing I can point to blame is my flesh and Satan. I listen to my flesh when it tells me that I need a new dress or need more clothes when I already have more then my closet full and more then enough to clothe me to begin with. I listen to my flesh when it tells me to go on social networking websites instead of spend intentional time with God or with other human beings. I listen to the flesh when I think about what food I am craving and want to go buy for dinner, when I run lines through my mind of things I want to say to people instead of just trust God and leave conversations to come in His hands, I listen to my flesh when I think more about myself then I do about other people and about ultimately, glorifying God above everything. I realize, when I think about all I want to change in my life, how much I truly do not have it all together as much as I think I do sometimes.
The typical Christian cop-out is that we have all sinned and fallen short of the glory of God. It's true. We all sin, and perfection (thankfully) is not required for us to follow Jesus. But the thing is, I want grace and mercy to cover over my life because of God's goodness not because it's a cover up for living according to my flesh. I don't want his grace to be a cop-out. I want his grace and forgiveness to be an added bonus.
I know that it is a little early to make a New Years Resolution, but I am making one. However, I am praying it doesn't stop there. I am making a Life Resolution. (Cliche I know.) I am cleaning out all the junk in my life. Although my room is currently messy (let's be real, I still have to unpack), my heart feels freedom finally. Freedom because I am vowing to no longer just have these ideas of how my life can depict Christ more, but I am living those ideas. I am doing, not just thinking and praying. I think a big mistake that I often make is that we must always pray and seek God in everything. I agree to that entirely, but sometimes we place the acting upon those prayers and desires last. Instead of just doing something... and then seeking God amidst that and through it all. The biggest mistake we can make is to push aside convictions with the justification that 'I'll just pray about it.' Some things have answers, and they are written right in the book God gifted to us. Some things have clearer answers then we would like to think.
So, I am giving up the excess in my life. With the things that I feel in some way, shape or form define me. I think that if I am striving to represent Christ, I can't represent the world. There is no middle ground I can or should fall upon. It is either all about Him or it isn't about Him at all.
I want people to view me as a person that made her life about other people. A girl that cared more about blessing people with anything they needed then she did about blessing herself with temporary, fleeting things. I want people to view me as loving and selfless not as blinded or selfish. I want people to see Christ's joy inside of me and know that it cannot be found in this world. I want people to view me as clothed with grace and humility more then I want them to view me as clothed with cute outfits. I want people to know me through intentional conversations, coffee dates, and long Skype calls, not through social networking, or even through this blog. I want people to be impacted by Christ's working through me. I want people to come to me when they are at their most broken, I want to be the first person people call. I want to be a life changer that in turn changes the world as people know it. I want to actually believe what the Word says is true... Here me out: I know that the Word is true... but I want to live it in such a way that points to the fact that I believe it with all of my being. I want to live with sacrifices that point to Jesus, I want to live a life that isn't easy but it's good and full because of Jesus. I want to live pouring out blessings on others that in turn, points to Jesus, I want to live in a way that doesn't make sense to this world. Yes, I really just want my life to point to Jesus. And if it is not 100% undoubatably doing that to the people around me, and if I can't be content where I am at in my walk with God. Then things have got to change.
Here's to change, here's to convictions, here's to a new life of freedom. Starting now.
Whatever it takes, Lord. Whatever it takes.
"You can suffer the pain of change or suffer remaining the way you are."
Joyce Meyer
